"The Melting Pot of Retrospect!"

It is a pure self-centred RANT and a toxic expression of FRUSTRATION and an act of IMPULSE that I will live to wish I hadn’t sent out.

Mar 09, 2025

* Yeh , I’m a BIT upset now! *

9 MARCH 2025

There has been NONE - no thought whatsoever gone into this newsletter. It is a pure self-centred RANT and a toxic expression of FRUSTRATION and an act of IMPULSE that I will live to wish I hadn’t sent out. I fucking LOVED him and this is how he acts in the aftermath of me GIVING UP ON HIM. I’m so fucked off. Have a cheesy mixtape that the universe made me embed. OMG its all about me again… fuck him, fuck you, fuck everyone. NO I’M JOKING. I’ll BE OK whether he tells me so or not. I feel better already but this has to be shoved out of my system. I am not going to let this extra shit bring me down, no time for tears while I’m adjusting this crown LOL :) Thank you to people who tell the truth.

1×

0:00

-1:23:26

FUCK - The MUSE - RANT..x

What it all boils down to.. (is that no one's really got it figured out just yet).!

Well it takes one to know one for want of a better cliche to get us started. The ~~MUSE~~ has called me a Narcissist one too many times now. Considering his entire branding is all about the same 'self-hatred’ so he can display self loathing as a defence mechanism, he ‘observed’ some of that inferiority complex (LOL) in me - so that makes me a narcissist now. Its a bit fucking rich for him to turn all gangsta on me - I didn’t do anything wrong! For a narcissist to become obsessed with someone other than themselves is beyond me. If I am a narcissist I’ll own it but for fucks sake - tell me how that has been detrimental to HIS well being?

I don’t know if I am a narcissist and so what if I fucking am - how has that been a problem to his life? Tell me this; NOTHING he did was to do with me EXCEPT talking shit about me behind my back, talking in code around me, and trying to embarrass me on public platforms - what for being me? I didn’t do anything that came from a narcissistic place. I was all for him, absorbed in him, as you all know I loved him. I’m not saying I’m not a narcissist (I just don’t know) and in his defence; he isn’t the first person to call me this. All I ever did was watch him and when speaking to him expressed an interest in the stuff he talked about.

I didn’t once presume or think or wonder or believe that he was doing ANYTHING for me, about me or to me. I thought I was as insignificant to him as he always made me feel. I just loved him so much that until he told me to ‘FUCK OFF’ … which he never did - he told me the opposite.

I believed him little measly breadcrumbs of conversations which were, to all my ‘knowledge’ at the time, were just private between us two. He’s a two faced little fuck. I kept asking him; ‘‘are you comfortable with me or should I get to fuck?” His replies were always no don’t do that. He went so far as to say he loved hearing from me, my pictures, my messages. I didn’t once think he had that nasty impression of me.

I even asked The ~~MUSE~~ once if HE thought I was a Narcissist because I didn’t know if I was or not, and I had just been accused of being one. The MUSE said ‘NO, of course not you’re the opposite’. Something like that. If had just said ‘well, yeah its a possibility, or it looks like that to me, or its something I’ve noticed’ but he didn’t.

I always thought he was up his own arse, arrogant instead of confident but it didn’t affect my life or me so I never said anything - and he never asked me outright. Years ago when I messaged him with my REAL query about this NARCISSISTIC accusation.

I was openly asking him to tell me the truth, (so evidently he knew that being told I was something that I know nothing about and always presumed wasn’t something associated to me; he now uses that information to evidently attempt to HURT ME!) He told me NO I WASN’T and he ALSO TOLD ME THAT I WAS OK !! so we have a few things to consider here:

a) he was being sarcastic when he replied (and because I was so vulnerable the sarcasm element went right over my head?) I trusted him to tell me the truth being that I believed he was the most intelligent, honest (meh!), guy I knew.

b) he was lying to appease me because he had no interest in being honest.

c) he was telling the fucking TRUTH.

I loved him regardless of his flaws. He always said he was a big presence and takes up a lot of space in the room; I thought he meant physically but no, he isn’t a big man in that way, it must be his bollocks or his mouth, or his attitude is puffed up because he has short-man syndrome or something? He took up so much space in my head and I am so glad that he has done this to me now. It could have been so much worse.

I hated seeing him sink into his sofa tonight. He crumbled because I asked a direct question that he couldn’t lie to me about because he’d already been saying all his shit to those other people. Why would he say I could go see him if he thought I was causing him a problem because of my ‘Delusions of Grandeur’ - yeah, that’s what he said! Having a pop at my condition of schizophrenia. Well, for the record I DO SUFFER with symptoms of DELUSIONS OF PERSECUTION - so I try my best to see the fucking GOOD in people and NOT EVER have I EVER said he has treated me BADLY.

"Delusions of Persecution: persistent, false beliefs that one is being mistreated, harassed, or conspired against, even in the face of evidence to the contrary”.

I’m not saying that I’m NOT a fucking Narcissist but if I am - He is still WRONG about me - I would fall under the category of a vulnerable narcissism involves hypersensitivity, shame, and a need for constant reassurance. So what my point is - if he has identified me as a narcissist then WHY would that be an issue? What the fuck have I done wrong to HIM!

He hasn’t given me anything to go on. I could be a fucking monkey, or a pothead, or - a sniff head (which I have been) - I thought he was all encompassing and INCLUSIVE of EVERYBODY? Bullshit! I am a diabetic, with PCOS and missing teeth, ginger hair, a clit like a boiled red onion, I’m FIERCE apparently, I am a fat, angry cunt, I look bad, I probably smell like shit, I eat cheatos on my fucking sofa and don’t walk or go out anywhere. I maxed out of 1000 step goal at 999 fucking steps… HOW AM I AFFECTING HIM?

If he didn’t want me there he should have just told me. Instead he calls me a narcissist when I mentioned the fucking things he’d been discussing, and gave him my playful interpretation or fucking opinion on them. Also, thanks for turning on me when I showed you my injuries, because all he focused on was what had been said about him being; “too fucking feminine for a ‘bloke’ like me”.

He’s a prick but not the worse shit that I am dealing with right now, just the icing on top. It’s not like he spat in my face and hair then made me my dinner as an apology today. It’s not like he’s done anything WRONG after I told him he can BLOCK ME from continuing my ‘support’ and interest in his work; or if that’s too problematic for him… he could quite easily say “Chasey - just go away now!”

I’m happy to oblige if he is decent enough to do that. I was going to fuck off but its just as well I stopped back in to catch him fucking talking shit on me again!

Dickhead. Lock me out so you can slag me off or do it directly to my face. I’ve done NOTHING WRONG you SAID I WAS OK!! You don’t owe me anything but if you believe I have done ANYTHING TO DESERVE this shit. Tell me to my face.

I’m not this piece of shit you make me ‘FEEL LIKE’ I am. I can’t continue today..